High 4, cos I made a mistake and I don’t get a high 5

Checkout Lady: how old are you?
Me: wha
Checkout Lady: Pardon?
Me: wha, that’s four in Maori!

Mommy: What did you do at school today?
Dylan: It was XXX’s birthday.
Mommy: oh, is XXX your girlfriend?
Dylan: no, I don’t have a girlfriend yet
Mommy: yet? are you looking for a girlfriend?
Dylan: Yes
Mommy: What kind of girl do you like? blonde hair, or dark hair?
Dylan: Dark hair with green eyes
Mommy: oh ok, do you want a girl taller or shorter than you?
Dylan: I want one that’s taller, a four year old

Dylan: When I grow up, can you buy me a big gun?
Mom: sure, why not
Dylan: Actually don’t worry mama, when I’m grown up I don’t need you anymore, i’ll drive myself to the gun shop

‘cabbage is what the Maoris call lettuce’

Papa: can you scratch my back for one minute?

Me: *scratch* One

Papa: No, that’s one second, I said one minute

Mama: that’s 60 seconds, can you count to sixty?

Me: *looks down at hands*, no, I only have 10 fingers!

Me: what do you do mommy?

Mom: I work for Amnesty International

Me: What’s Amestney Intranationeel?

Mom: We speak for people who don’t have a voice, like the Lorax speaks for the trees

Me: I sometimes don’t have a voice

Mom: oh no sweetie, you always have a voice, you always have rights

Me: no *cough cough* see? when I have a cold I don’t have a voice (*spoken in a pretend gravelly voice*)